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  #81  
Old 20th February 2018
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Review on Sachha Pyaar

Pehle hi is story par kayi baatein ho chuki hain bina matlab ki details ko lekar but main wo sab dubara nahin kahunga

Story kuch kuch hota hai se inspired hai. Sirf ending change kar di hai writer babu ne. Spelling mistakes bhi hai kuch jagah. Emotions dalne mein writer poori tarah kamyab nahin ho paya. Na to Sneha ki bebasi readers ki aankhen nam kar saki aur na hi Amit ke prati nafrat jaisa hi kuch hua.

Kahani ke characters ka intro bhi samajh nahin aaya kyunki kisi ka koi role hi nahin tha

Agar aapne pehli baar kuch likha hai to yakeenan ye ek achhi koshish thi lekin agar aap already 1-2 story likh chuke hain ya likh rahe hain to ye ek behad sadharan si story thi. Ek speed mein. Koi utaar chadhav nahin

Anyway best of luck for the contest

  #82  
Old 20th February 2018
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Review on Rekha and Manish

It is quite amazing to read same lines again but with different perspective, different thought, different person and different way

A choti misunderstanding rishton ko kaise bikher deti hai aapne bakhubi darshaya hai

Pati patni ka pyaar, unki ek dusre ke prati chinta, unka ek dusre ka khyaal rakhna, sab bahut baariki se varnan kiya hai aapne

Contest ki best stories mein se ek

Best of luck for the contest

  #83  
Old 21st February 2018
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Originally Posted by cool_guy1 View Post
Review on Rekha and Manish

It is quite amazing to read same lines again but with different perspective, different thought, different person and different way

A choti misunderstanding rishton ko kaise bikher deti hai aapne bakhubi darshaya hai

Pati patni ka pyaar, unki ek dusre ke prati chinta, unka ek dusre ka khyaal rakhna, sab bahut baariki se varnan kiya hai aapne

Contest ki best stories mein se ek

Best of luck for the contest

Thanks cool_guy for your encouragement.

So nice of you.

Love

Trambak

  #84  
Old 22nd February 2018
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Raat Baki Ha.... by Itzcarl3
Kahani ek simple se couple ki hai... dono ka milna jhagadna aur ek ho jana... par isme jo thrill part daalne ki koshish ki gayi hai uska zara bhi hissa mujhe samajh nahi aya...

Narration ko behtar karne ki bohot zaroorat hai... aur writer ko sabki salah maan kar devnagri me likhna chahiye... taki kahani ko padh pane me pathakon ko itni taqleef na ho

Ane wali kahaniyon ke liye apko subhkamnayen
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  #85  
Old 22nd February 2018
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Review on Mujhe huya Chachi se sachha pyaar

Ab kya kahun iske baare mein. Sab pehle hi itna bol chuke hain. Incest theme par likhi gayi sadharan si story thi. Halanki aapne last mein koshish ki chachi ko chacha ki beti banakar lekin incest usse bhi khatam nahin huya. Chachi na sahi behan hi sahi, relation to hai na

Khait ab story par aate hain. Dhara prawah acha tha but dialogue delivery bahut weak thi. Emotions bilkul hi asardar nahin the. Chahe accident wali baat ho ya suspense wali aapne wo theek se elaborate nahin kiya

Anyway best of luck for the contest

  #86  
Old 22nd February 2018
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Review on Ek Mohabbat aisi bhi

Shayad main ye story pehle padh chuka hoon

Urdu shabdon kya jyada prayog kiya hai jo shayad kayi readers ke samajh mein na aaye.

Blood cancer ko ek khel dikha diya is story mein. Jo ladki aaj bhali changi ladke se khul kar baat kar rahi hai achanak se agle din mar jaati hai. Blood cancer mareej ko mahino pehle tod deta hai. Kitne hi din wo bistar se uth nahin pata. Khair leave it.

Emotions dalne ki achi koshish thi par adhuri si thi. Aap ise aur behtar bana sakte the.

Anyway best of luck for the contest

  #87  
Old 22nd February 2018
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Review on ajeeb hai ye ishq tera

Nice narration but weak plot. Khaskar ending ne atleast mujhe niraash kiya. Spelling mistakes kaafi thi lekin choice of words ache the.

Suman jiska poori story mein kahin jikar nahin tha achanak aayi aur story ki heroine ban gayi. Rehan ka role bhi khana-purti ke liye tha shayad

Kul mila kar ek sweet but weak story

Anyway best of luck for the contest

  #88  
Old 22nd February 2018
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My Bloody Valentine
By Bad Joker

The choice of topic is a significance of great intellect! ek krur vastavikta jaha 70 pratishat log apne liye aese logon ko apne premi ke roop me chunte hai jo unhe parthib sukh de sake... aur bas mutthi bhar log hi ek kalpanashil dimaag aur chetnashil man ki kadr karte hai... aur isi beech kuch log piste rahte hai ...

is kahani me ek sachai ye bhi hai ke jo devloper hai wo khud ekelepan se pirit hai... aur un logon ko apna shikar banana chahta hai jo apat drishti me usse uska haq chinte hai... par un logon ke sath sath thik usiki tarah ek ladka jo unhi sab karono se jujh raha hai... wo bhi is app ka shikar ho raha hai...aur sath hi aese kuch log jo apni pasand ke mutabik sathi pane ke nashe me itne pagal hai ki insaan aur takneek ke bich ka fark hi bhool gaye hai

aur dono hi kirdaron ka bakhubi varnan kiya hai bj ne... haan hindi me ab bhi sudhar ki zaroorat hai... par pichli baar se kaafi better hai... kuch lines aesi hai jinme aj ki zindegi ka saara sar sameta hua hai...

Quote:
Bharat sena sabse pahle mere app ke khilaf jo itne din pradarshan kar rahi thi, usne apna virodh wapas le liya, aur app maker ko congratulate bhi kiya uske ‘Sanskaar’ patch ke liye. Ye optional add-on lagane se Virtual Girlfriend ek puri taraha sanskari Bhartiya naari ke rup me presented hogi aur raat 10 baje se pahle kisi erotic baat ka jawab nahi degi.
^^last but not the least you and your wittiness

It was good read bj ... waiting for your second story... and best of luck for the contest
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Last edited by Cute_Angel2704 : 22nd February 2018 at 11:07 AM.

  #89  
Old 22nd February 2018
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The Curious Case of Rajkumari Avantika by my dearest Trambii

It takes me sometime to understand what's going on one is my friend Trambii (Tram unkil!! "Hey tram unkil why leaching" ) and the other is our spectacular Rooted

insurmountable problem! but where is the problem
Quote:
Maharajdhiraj Shrimat Rudra Vikram Singh is a middle-aged king loved by his subjects dearly. He practically has no enemies. His Maharani died immediately after giving birth to a lovely daughter, 21 years back.
It's not funny

Quote:
त्वामारूढं पवनपदवीमुद्गृहीतालकान्*ता:
प्रेक्षिष्*यन्*ते पथिकवनिता: प्रत्*ययादाश्*वसन्*त्*य:।
क: संनद्धे विरहविधुरां त्*वय्युपेक्षेत जायां
न स्*यादन्*योsप्*यहमिव जनो य: पराधीनवृत्ति:।।
Quote:
जब तुम आकाश में उमड़ते हुए उठोगे तो
प्रवासी पथिकों की स्त्रियाँ मुँह पर लटकते
हुए घुँघराले बालों को ऊपर फेंककर इस
आशा से तुम्*हारी ओर टकटकी लगाएँगी
कि अब प्रियतम अवश्*य आते होंगे।
तुम्*हारे घुमड़ने पर कौन-सा जन विरह
में व्*याकुल अपनी पत्*नी के प्रति उदासीन
रह सकता है, यदि उसका जीवन मेरी तरह
पराधीन नहीं है?
one of my favorite lines from meghdoot and how dare you call us the hypocrites​!

Quote:
Obviously, her father has been brainwashed by this man and God only knows how many are involved in this conspiracy.


Quote:
The Rajkumar of Panipat was so handsome, so smart and spoke so nicely. Her dream man from ‘meghdootam’.

She demurely looked at the prince with lovelorn eyes and said, “Tharo bhasa bhi to ghano sundar se. Main seekh paun K?”

Rajkumar picked up Avantika like a rag doll and whispered gently in her ears, “Tu chal chhori, E bhasa to main do din main seekha doon tanney.”
what is this?

And now about reviewing the story "NO COMMENTS" Review on BEDTIME STORY are you serious!




P.s. Trambii why the mockery? It hurts me after reading the reviews on this! I completely understand that People doesn't understand the thoughts behind the plot but this time it's all your fault and don't try to talk to me
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NOTE:- If mod/supmod thinks I violated the Rules & Regulations of the Xossip please inform me before doing hanky-panky on my posts, I will edit them myself.

Last edited by INDIAN_MAVERICK1190 : 22nd February 2018 at 11:27 AM. Reason: Translation

  #90  
Old 22nd February 2018
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दिल का आलम मैं क्या बताऊ तुझे
by FrankanstienTheKount

The romance was supreme! padhte padhte aesa laga ki mai bhi koi shayar hoti to char line mai bhi is behtareen peshkash ke nam likh pati...

Kahani ki sabse behtareen baat ye hai ki isme behti vabnaoyon ko kahi bhi rokne ki koshish nahi huyi hai... tanhayiyon me jo baatein insaan khud se aur sirf khud se hi karta hai un ko shabdon me tarasha gaya hai... flow me aur narration ne in jasbaaton ko aur khubsurat banaya hai

Kahani me kami dhundh leti par kisi ke dil ke haal me... kabhi nahi

Dusri kahani ka intezar rahega... best of luck for the contest
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