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  #491  
Old 25th October 2010
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suicide kar lunga D' bhai
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  #492  
Old 25th October 2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brijand View Post
d'pak bhai kya karwa rahe ho nirmala se pls...........kuch to karo......bachao use in bhediyon se......ya phir maar dalo...........aap likhte huye to pata nahi par mai padhte huye ye sehan nahi kar paa raha hu.........plssssssssssss....................
Hatts Off to you Shakespeare002,

a well balanced act of words. I have followed your story from post one... and indeed wanted to put one of your post as quote to this post, after reaching the last post. But just could not stop myself from dropping this post in between, after reading post of brijand.

I indeed love the theme; the concept & the subject of your story, but am not enjoying the sexual urge (dont misunderstood me as being impatient) the story name promises of. Instead i am really feeling pity for nirmla, the story is rotating around the theme of "what nirmla faces" but that is not what i am looking for. Sorry being a naive in writing, if i sound to be improper with selection of my words ~ But would really like to see this story to move around with sex in mind & not with the pain in heart. Repeatedly it has happened that after reading your posts, i have felt more for nirmla as pitiable woman than to have sexual feels for her body curves.

It is indeed your style of writing that is making us feel so realistic, but would love to see this story on eXBii forum as the environment asks for.

Sorry once again ~ if i am not right with my selection of words...
Regards for your writing style... :salut:

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  #493  
Old 25th October 2010
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D.A.V. College ki sabse medhavi, sabse chanchal, sabse hansmukh aur sabse haseen ladki jab manch par chadhne ke liye apni kursi se uth kar chali toh poora pandaal taaliyon aur kuchh manchale ladkon ki seetiyon se goonj utha... Tej kadmon se apne aap par itraati huyi si chalkar manch tak pahunchi uss ladki ne sabse pahle apni aatmvishvas se labrej chirparichit muskaan se sabko mantra mugdh sa karte huye shant kiya...

"Vikramaditya ke samaan nyaay ke sarvochcha sinhaasan par virajmaan; neer ksheer viveki, maan-neeya nirnayak mandal, Param shrdheya Pradhanacharya Ji, Jeevan ki shreshth vidhaaon aur aadarshon se rubaroo karate huye har pal hamare maargdarshan ko tatpar rahne wale pradhyapak vrind evam... Sukh dukh mein hamesha sath rahne wale.. mere humraah, humdum saathiyo...... vaad vivaad pratiyogita ki iss swarnim kanak shrinkhla mein, mere vicharon ka vishay hai... 'Aaj Ki Nari... Abla ya sabla...?"

"Abhi mujhse pahle hamein sambodhit karne aayi meri dost ne Nari ko 'abla' ke tour par sambodhit aur sabit kiya... Unke dwara kahi kuchh baaton se main kuchh had tak sahmat bhi hoon... Ye sach hai ki kuchh samay pahle tak sthiti hamare pratikool thi.... Jyada waqt nahi beeta jab hum ladkiyon ke liye apne ghar ke aangan ki chardeewari unki sarhad aur apne gharon ki chhat hi unka aasmaan hota tha.. Ek daayre mein seemit hone ke bawjood, unn par lagi paabandiyon ki koyi seema nahi thi... *Hamein oonchi aawaj mein bolne tak par daant diya jata tha... juban par lagaam laga kar rakhne ki hidaayatein aam thi, 'chunni' ke bagair hamara pahnawa adhoora tha... aur shadi shuda aurat ke liye 'olha' aniwarya.. Sapne dekhna paap tha... Padhne likhne ke naam par hamein sirf naam likhna aa jaye bahut samjha jata tha... *Iske alawa bhi jaise, kaise uthna baithna hai, kaise chalna firna hai, kaise kapde pahan'ne hain, Har baat ke liye hidaayatein hua karti thi... *Kulmilakar agar maine agar apni ek saans bhi hamare 'tathakathit' samaj mein tay maan-dandon ke anuroop nahi li toh samjho main 'badnaam' ho gayi...

Iss'se pahle main aaj ke mahoul par kuchh kahoon.. Main aapko yaad dila doon ki inn sab mushkilon ke bawjood... itihaas mein bhi bharteey nari ne apne aapko 'purushon' ke samkaksh sabit kiya hai... 'Dinkar' ji ke shabdon mein.. ' kahte hain ki akela chana bhaad nahi fod sakta... par itihaas gawaah hai ki bahut baar akele chane ne hi bhad foda hai aur aisa foda hai ki bhaad kheel kheel hi nahi ho gaya.. Apitu bhaad footne ki goonj sadiyon tak suniyayi deti rahi hai... Rani luxmi bai, Sarojini naidu, Indira Gaandhi, Lata Mangeshkar... Kitne hi naam hai jinhone 'nari' par itni bediyan hone ke bawjood apni himmat ke dam par bulandiyo ko chhua.. Inhone kabhi purush pradhan samaj hone ka rona nahi roya aur dhaara ke viprit chalte huye apni manjil tak ka safar akele apne dum par tay kiya....

Nari ko 'abla' batane wal meri pratiyogi dost se main sahmat hoon ki kuchh din pahle hawa hamare viprit thi... *par aaj aisa kahna sarvatha anuchit hai..*Aaj hum ladkiyan.. nitya nayi bulandiyan chhoo rahe prakrami bharat ki amit 'pahchaan' hain.. Aaj hum chardeewari mein kaid nahi; poora aasmaan hamara hai.. Aaj bharat maan chuka hai ki hum ladkiyan kisi maamle mein ladkon se peechhe nahi... Aaj karnal jaise chhote se shahar ki ladki Kalpana Antriksh mein jakar hamein gouravanvit karti hai.. Pahli mahila IPS Kiran bedi, kisi parichay ki mohtaaj nahi... Aaj ki nari shiksha mein, lekhan mein, chikitsa mein, samaj sewa mein, rajneeti mein, business mein; har jagah bharat ka pratinidhittav karti hai... kahan nahi hain hum? Chulhe chouke se lekar hawayi jahaj udaane tak aap ek sansthan toh aisa gina dein, Jiska sanchalan ladkiyon ki pryapt bhageedari ke bina sambhav ho... Har kshetra mein aaj hum ladkiyan apna loha manwa chuki hain.. Ladkon ke Kandhe se kandha mila kar aaj hum shan se chalti hain... Aaj hum sabhya, shikshit aur apne adhikaaron ke prati jaagruk hain... Aaj hamein 'nari' ke naam par bani maryaadaon ke khoonte se baandh kar nahi rakha ja sakta... Hum apnie raaste khud chun'ti hain aur swayam apni manzil tak ka mukaam tay karti hain....Aaj samajik maryada ke naam par hamein dikhaya jane wala kshitij poori tarah se dhool dhusrit ho hamare kadmon mein pada hai...*

Sirf do bahno wale ek nihayat hi gareeb pariwar se, tamaam ulat paristhitiyon ke bawjood, padh likh kar aaj aapke saamne gunjaaymaan ho rahi 'ye' aawaj kya aapko kisi 'abla' ki lagti hai.... kadapi nahi! Main navbharat ki 'nari' hoon.. shikshit, sashakt aur sabal... Main Garv se kah sakt hoon ki aaj bharat jitna purushon ka hai, utna hi naariyon ka........"

Rah rah kar baj rahi taaliyon ki aawaj ke sath chehre par ojasvi khoobsoorti liye uss ladki ki madhur aawaj har viram ke baad aur paini, aur tej hoti chali gayi aur jab usne apna bhashan samapt kiya toh khud nirnayak mandal bhi khada hokar taalitan baja raha tha....

-----
Aur intjaar khatam hua....

"Aaj ki iss vaad vivad pratiyogita mein har pratiyogi ne badi khoobsoorti se apne vichaaron ko rakha... Lekin ek vakta aisi rahi jo Nirvivad roop se shreshttam rahi hain... Aur Akhil vishwavidyalay vaad vivad pratiyogita ki vijeta ka naam hai... Kumari Nirmla!"

Pandaal ek baar fir goonj utha... Nirmla ne saharsh, hamesha ki tarah chahakte huye 'trophy' lekar hathon mein uthayi aur lagbhag bhaagte huye wapas neeche baithi bheed mein aa gayi...

Wahin bheed mein baitha ek chehra badi bechaini se Nirmla ke akele ho jane ki prateeksha kar raha tha... Aur Jaise hi wo ghar jane ke liye College se nikli... Peechhe se aakar usne uska hath pakad liya...,"Aaj toh badi khoonkhar lag rahi thi stage par..!"

"Ohhhh.. Toh tum ho!... Aise kyun darate ho hamesha peechhe se aakar... Saamne se nahi aa sakte kya?", Nirmla pahle chounki apni fir nakhra sa karte huye apni naak chadha li..," Kitne din baad aa rahe ho college? Padhayi se toh 'raam raam' kar li tumne.. hai na?"

"Arey padhayi karne ke liye hi toh ghar par rahta hoon... Yahan tumhara chehra dekhne ke baad main padh hi nahi pata...!"*

"Achchha! itni buri dikhti hoon main...?" Nirmla banawati gusse se ghoori huyi boli aur uska hath pak'de huye Juice ki dukaan mein ghus gayi...,"Aaj treat meri taraf se..."

"Sirf buri nahi ho.. chudail ban gayi ho.. Aajkal toh sapno mein bhi aakar sataane lagi ho...", Dono andar aakar aamne saamne wali kursiyon par baith gaye...

"Achchha Ji...!", Nirmla ne chut'ki li..," Kaise satati hoon...?"

"Mere honton par kiss kar rahi thi tum... aage bataaun?"

"Tumhe aur kuchh nahi aata kya Manav? Hamesha ek hi baat... pagal ho gaye ho kya?" Nirmla tunak kar boli...

"Arey wah... Kiss tum khud karti ho aur daant mujhe pad rahi hain.. Ajeeb dadagiri hai?"

"Kuchh aur baat karo na...! Pls.. mere paas sirf 10 minute hain..."!" Nirmla ghadi mein samay dekhti huyi boli...

"Pichhle do saal se hum 'kuchh aur' baatein hi toh kar rahe hain... Had kar rahi ho yaar... Tumhare ghar waalon se baat kar li... 'apne' mummy papa se tumhe milwa diya... unhone haan kar di.. Ab kis baat ka intjaar kar rahi ho...?"

"Shadi ka!" Nirmla ne do took kaha...

"Kyun itna tadpa rahi ho mujhe..?", Manav sach mein tadap utha tha..

"Kyunki 'tadap' achchhi hai sehat ke liye, aur career ke liye bhi... he he he..!", Nirmla khilkhila kar boli...

"Sirf ek baar... ek kiss hi toh maang raha hoon...!" Manav aage jhuk kar bola...

Nirmla ka chehra laal ho gaya..," Main ja rahi hoon.. dono gilaas tum pi lena...!"

"Achchha baitho baitho...!", Manav ne hath pakad kar usko neeche baithaya...," Tum bhi na.. Ek taraf toh tum itni badi badi baatein karti ho.. Dusri taraf itni chhoti si baat se ghabra jati ho...!"

"Ismein badi chhoti ki kya baat hai Manav.. Mujhe pata hai hum dono ke liye kya sahi hai aur kya galat...! Yahi 'nari jagriti' ka prateek hai... aadhunik hone ke naam par bahak jana, chhote kapde pahan'na, uddand harkatein karna aur smoking drinking karke khud ko purushon ke samkaksh sabit karna 'kamjor' aur 'sankuchit' aadhunikta ka prateek hai... 'sharm lihaj' aur apne sanskaaron ko tilaanjali dena 'jagriti' nahi; iss jagriti ki wajah se auchhi maansikta mein aaya uchhaal hai.... Main...!"

"Ab ye bhashanbazi band bhi kar do yaar... Ek award se ji nahi bhara kya...?", Manav sir khujata hua 'bore' hone ki acting karke bola....

"Aisi Baat tumne shuru ki thi, maine nahi... Achchha ab chalte hain.. Meri bus ka time ho gaya...!", Nirmla khadi hote huye boli....

"Kal Milogi?"

"Sirf College mein..!", Nirmla muskurakar boli... Wo dono bus stop par aakar khade ho gaye the... Tabhi bus aayi aur Nirmla usmein chadh li... Seat par baithte hi Nirmla ne Manav ko yaad karte huye apni 'trophy' ko apne seene par kas kar daba liya....
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  #494  
Old 25th October 2010
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thanks bro....hope your health is fine...take care
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  #495  
Old 26th October 2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aebbee View Post
Hatts Off to you Shakespeare002,

a well balanced act of words. I have followed your story from post one... and indeed wanted to put one of your post as quote to this post, after reaching the last post. But just could not stop myself from dropping this post in between, after reading post of brijand.

I indeed love the theme; the concept & the subject of your story, but am not enjoying the sexual urge (dont misunderstood me as being impatient) the story name promises of. Instead i am really feeling pity for nirmla, the story is rotating around the theme of "what nirmla faces" but that is not what i am looking for. Sorry being a naive in writing, if i sound to be improper with selection of my words ~ But would really like to see this story to move around with sex in mind & not with the pain in heart. Repeatedly it has happened that after reading your posts, i have felt more for nirmla as pitiable woman than to have sexual feels for her body curves.

It is indeed your style of writing that is making us feel so realistic, but would love to see this story on eXBii forum as the environment asks for.

Sorry once again ~ if i am not right with my selection of words...
Regards for your writing style... :salut:
First of all, Thanx a lot bro for liking the theme and concept of the story. I am really delighted at your heartly comment.

I take it as success of the story if readers are feeling pity for the 'character' in the story.. Infact this is the sole aim of writing this story. You said (sorry if i'm mistaken) title indicates the story to be as erotic one. I don't think so bro.. Erotica might be there but will never be there as a tragedy nor i can describe rape.

You are right that this is an adult forum and people come here to search for some erotica. Yet I want to write this story and i have no better place to share my efforts. So i did it here only.
Quote:
Originally Posted by terenaam View Post
suicide kar lunga D' bhai
Hun tenu ki hoya oye?




Quote:
Originally Posted by lusty2010 View Post
thanks bro....hope your health is fine...take care
Ya, I'm quite fine now bro.. Thanx for the well wishes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by batmanforever View Post
ab tabiyat kaisi hai,bhai ji?
last update jhakjhorne vala tha.
Ab theek hoon bhai Ji..
Thanx for the compliments..

Quote:
Originally Posted by tin1tin2 View Post
bigger updates pls
Sorry Bro.. No bigger one are possible as of now.

Quote:
Originally Posted by I_love_u555 View Post
agar aap thik hai to plzzzzzzzz update dijiye
Tabiyat theek hai bhai aur update de diya hai..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emotional.Jatt View Post
Gurudev,
tabiyat kaisi hai.
Update likh rahe ho kya.
Agar theek na huye ho te koi load ni leni,kal aa javenga update-spdate.
Changa hoon veere

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emotional.Jatt View Post
No problem Gurudev. U r more valauble for us than the story.
Take full rest and then come with a new energy to write the updates. Get well soon.
Kahan se aayegi energy.. 2 din se daru nahi gayi hai andar

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emotional.Jatt View Post
Gurudev on completing 13k posts.

.
.
WARM WELCOME To all friends who want to celebrate this occasion,U r heartedly invited at
http://www.xossip.com/showthread.php...5#post22466265
The party is going there with full pomp n show.
Let's join

Kyon bachi khuchi ijjat ka falooda nikal rahe ho

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Originally Posted by agyaat View Post
get well soon bhai ji
Ho gaya ji get well

Quote:
Originally Posted by funkytimmi View Post
get well soon.......................
Thanx for the wellwishes timmi dear.. I'm ok now.

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Originally Posted by agyaat View Post
thread rated


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Originally Posted by agyaat View Post
siggy mein link daal raha bura lage to bata dena hata dunga


Quote:
Originally Posted by Kurtey View Post
hi i am new to this forum , niceee story
Bro

Quote:
Originally Posted by exbii_expert View Post
this was never told that this story is not going to be an erotica story.. till now build up was like a erotic story .so i was expecting some erotic scenes. that's why i said to add little masala to every post.
and i never intended to hurt anyone's feeling here.. so if anyone is hurted ,,then m sorry for that
I know it bro that i did'nt mentioned mentioned anywhere that the story is not an erotica. Actually erotic incidents may be created with other characters in the story later on as i have not prepared the complete plot. But as far as the incident at which ur reply came asking for masala, was quite sensible and I was disturbed a bit after reading ur reply thinking if i am able to convey in right manner what i want to.

Quote:
Originally Posted by brijand View Post
koi baat nahi dpak bhai............update baad me de dena.........par nirmala ke sath aapne thik nahi kiya.........
Story line ki demand thi bhai :console:
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Last edited by Shakespeare002 : 26th October 2010 at 12:26 AM.

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  #496  
Old 26th October 2010
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Deepak Bhai, your fan following is too high that we all always get to see conflict in the readers. It is a positive sign and shows love for you and your stories. Keep the spirit up and wish your fan following and readers mark increases every day.

This story is a heart renching and the story unfolds and speaks of how poorly Nirmala is treated. Reading this story is definitly a good story to read but a painful one. The title of story is 'Na,ri!' ~ Aurat ki vidambana! is the true story of such womens. Once you start reading its start realizing that this story is true! Once you begin - you can't put it down! The reader is taken through every possible emotion as they follow Nirmala's tales as this true story unfolds. However sadened you may feel reading this story it enlightens one to know how Womens are treated in India. How poor young innocent girls / womens like Nirmala are treated by men and are under men's authority in a contry such as India. This story is definitly worth reading. The greatest story that was ever told.

It is a emotional tale of a mother / wife and as a women and her love for her kid. I have so much admiration for Nirmala, to have the strength and courage to fight and bring at least a good life for her daughter given the circumstances she found herself in is just a miracle. I certainly wish I was as strong as her. After reading this story, I reflected on the life I lead, my troubles seem a mere blip compared to that of Nirmala.

Hats of to you Deepak Bhai...

Cheers,
Raaka,
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  #497  
Old 26th October 2010
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Very nice update Guruji.... Hope you are fit and fine now....

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  #499  
Old 26th October 2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by raaka View Post
Deepak Bhai, your fan following is too high that we all always get to see conflict in the readers. It is a positive sign and shows love for you and your stories. Keep the spirit up and wish your fan following and readers mark increases every day.

This story is a heart renching and the story unfolds and speaks of how poorly Nirmala is treated. Reading this story is definitly a good story to read but a painful one. The title of story is 'Na,ri!' ~ Aurat ki vidambana! is the true story of such womens. Once you start reading its start realizing that this story is true! Once you begin - you can't put it down! The reader is taken through every possible emotion as they follow Nirmala's tales as this true story unfolds. However sadened you may feel reading this story it enlightens one to know how Womens are treated in India. How poor young innocent girls / womens like Nirmala are treated by men and are under men's authority in a contry such as India. This story is definitly worth reading. The greatest story that was ever told.

It is a emotional tale of a mother / wife and as a women and her love for her kid. I have so much admiration for Nirmala, to have the strength and courage to fight and bring at least a good life for her daughter given the circumstances she found herself in is just a miracle. I certainly wish I was as strong as her. After reading this story, I reflected on the life I lead, my troubles seem a mere blip compared to that of Nirmala.

Hats of to you Deepak Bhai... < image >< image >

Cheers,
Raaka,
Raaka Bhai,

Your replies are always like energy boosters of the writers here. Whenever I get a reply from you, I read it atleast twice or thrice to get the most from it.. And whenever I feel a lack of confidance/willingness, I search for your posts again in my story threads. Your Support is just awesome.

Thanx for being with us everytime we need.

Much more to tell in the story though not so tragic

Kindly keep coming
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Last edited by Shakespeare002 : 26th October 2010 at 12:59 AM.

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  #500  
Old 26th October 2010
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brijand brijand is offline
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jisko2 naari par essay copy karna hai kar lo........isse behtareen essay kabhi nahi milne wala..............

dpak bhai wat a gr8 writing.........aapki khasiyat rahi hai........flashback bhi sath me chalate ho.........

waiting for the next update...............
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Life is like an onion.

Why ???
Because you peel away layer after layer and when you come to the end you have nothing.


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