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Old 4th November 2009
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Wink

1. The bride tells her husband (18+)

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!

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Old 4th November 2009
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2. The Burkha Lady and the Soldiers

A Pakistani soldier ran up to a Lady in Burkha. Out of breath he asked, 'Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later.'

The lady agreed.

A moment later two Military Police from IRAQ ran up and asked, Sister, have you seen a soldier?'

The lady replied, 'He went that way.'

After the Military people ran off, the Pakistani soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, 'I can't thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Iraq..'

The lady in burkha said, 'I understand completely.'

The soldier added, 'I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!'

The lady replied, 'If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls as well.... I don't want to go to Iraq either.!!

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Old 4th November 2009
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3. Mother of all Naughty SMS Jokes

* If necessity is the mother of invention, then… Frustration is the father of masturbation!

* What is the definition of a healthy virgin?
One who has never been Bed RIDDEN!

* While preparing her RESUME a young Lady wrote:
Special qualification: I am Flexible enough to Perform in all Positions.

* Define contraceptive pill?
It's the second best thing that a women can keep in her mouth to avoid pregnancy.

* What do politicians & porn stars have in common?
They are experts in switching positions in front of a camera!

* Importance of UNITY explained at it's best:
One Leg of a woman tells the other: UNITED we are saved, divided we are *ucked.

* Same Sex Marriage:
What's the big deal in same sex marriages? I've been married to the same woman for 25 years

and had the same old sex all that time.

* Tension is when wife is pregnant!
Terror: When girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror: When both r pregnant!
Tragedy: When U r Not responsible 4 both.

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Old 4th November 2009
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4. Why Condoms Come In Boxes Of 3, 6, And 12

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son.
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,
"What are these, Dad?


To which the man matter-of-factly replies,
"Those are called condoms son. Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively.
Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks,
"Why are there 3 in this package?"

The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one
for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."

"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks,
"Then who are these for?"

"Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO
for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks,
picking up a 12 pack.


With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied,

"Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one
for March........"

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Old 4th November 2009
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Old 4th November 2009
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5. Santa Made Her Secretary Pregnant

Santa in deep thaughts

Sitting calm, quite,

Banta: what is wrong with you Santa

Santa: please don't ask

Banta: I am your child hood friend say to me.

Santa: my seven year old son made my secretary pregnant """

Banta that's not possible

No he did

Hows that possible


He punctured my condoms !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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6. Excuse me, Madam

A woman was walking down the street when a man who was carrying out a
survey stopped her.

"Excuse me, Madam, we're doing a survey on peoples' attitudes towards
sex."

"Really!" said the woman smiling.

"Could you please tell me what you think of sex on the television?"

"Well," replied the woman, "I think it's extremely uncomfortable,
especially when you've got the antenna stuck up your ass"!

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Old 4th November 2009
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7. Intelligent Old Cock (Beautiful Climax)

Intelligent Old Cock

A farmer rears twenty-five young hens and one old cock. As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market.

Old cock to Young cock : "Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.

Young cock : What you mean? As far as I know, you are old and should be retired.

Old cock : Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can't I help you with some?

Young cock : No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.

Old cock : In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I win you shall allow me to have one hen and if I lose you will have all.

Young cock :
O.K. What kind of competition?

Old cock: 50 meter run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.
Young cock : No problem! We will compete tomorrow morning.

Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off and when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his might.
Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds..

Suddenly, Bang! before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed, "Hell ! This is the fifth GAY chicken I've bought this week !"

Last edited by abhi_1903 : 4th November 2009 at 01:26 PM.

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8. Thats How The Fight Started
And That's How The Fight Started.....

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a Cemetery plot as
a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the
gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.


My wife walked into the den & asked "What's on the TV?"
I replied "Dust"

And that's how the fight started..


A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not
happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I
look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.
'The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And that's how the fight started.


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3
seconds. I bought her a scale.

And that's how the fight started.


I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation...
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'

And that's how the fight started.


My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were
in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'
'No,' she answered..
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'
So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'

And that's how the fight started.


I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer
would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that's how the fight started.


I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first.
'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please..'
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And that's how the fight started.

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Old 4th November 2009
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