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  #5141  
Old 29th August 2012
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The last letter
htans001

Mostly retiring and retired gentlemen as well as young bachelors of the locality visit the Friends Club in the evening. An evening of Bridge is a good means for spending quality time for those past the prime gentlemen, who really don’t have much of activities otherwise. One can play chess as well as carrom in this club, where there is an assortment of facilities for youth as well as elderly persons. The club is a sanctuary of the sorts for those people, who want to take refuge from the day to day hassles and bustles after a day’s hard work.

I am a founding member of this club. Eight of our friends had got together and formed the club, of the friends, by the friends and for the friends. You can’t believe it, but the club was established around thirty years back, when we were school going kids. Then we did not have the premises but we had pooled funds to stitch a set of football jersey and the Friends Club was participating in various local club tournaments. Some of us are now well off, and our budget being conservative, there has never been any fund shortage ever and now we have our own premises also. Gradually as time passed, our engagement in the club got diminished, but the club moves on, with the entry of new generation.

Founding member Shubhendu never paired with Shailendra and I would never play with Shovan as a partner. The story goes like that; once Shubhendu fell in love with Vani, a sweet little girl of our class. 22-1-14-9 happens to be the alphabet numbers of the word Vani. Initially Shubhendu started mentioning Vani among the club members as 221149 and gradually other guys picked up the code, viz., have you seen 221149 or today 221149 is absent. The code gradually became so popular that the teachers also began to notice. Some of the young teachers were very eager to decipher the code, as they smelt something fishy was going on, but they were not able to pin point it. It became a hot topic among the teachers in the teachers’ room. Shailendra being younger brother of our Mathematics teacher Swaraj Sir was forced by his elder brother to divulge the secret and thus it became known to everyone in the school including Vani. This cost Shubhendu his budding one sided love affair with Vani. Eventually Vani’s father got transferred and the chapter 221149 got closed, but the animosity of Shuvendu with Shailendra never got resolved.

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  #5142  
Old 29th August 2012
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I had fallen in love with Sandhya, Dr Choudhury’s daughter. I was so much smitten with her beauty that my thought process started revolving around her. In any situation I would fantasize if she was here, how she would react, what she would tell etc. Probably this infatuation helped me to control my emotions so well that even when my uncle had died, I did not cry. That would have been too unmanly in front of Sandhya, for sure! In retrospect, I see that much of my success that came later in my life had roots in this carefully groomed trait.

My blossomed love died, when the family of Shovan, a handsome fellow of our age group came to settle in our town and he later joined our club. He got attracted to Sandhya and I felt that Sandhya was also curious about him. The feelings possibly graduated to be mutual, since Shovan’s parents and Sandhya’s parents were in the same social bracket. They got very quickly acquainted and made progress to regular family visits, outings, movies etc. In the love triangle one side was weak which fell apart and the rest of the two sides became one.

Once a love affair is terminated, normally a man loses interest in women. There are lot many other things to do in life. This is particularly true for the man who has a broken heart. But the typical Indian man faces with a strange dilemma. Strong family bond compels him to go against his wish and he has to marry an innocent girl, who has no knowledge of the emptiness of the broken soul of her partner. If she is accommodative in nature, she gradually accepts the despair and nihilism of her husband and adjusts herself to live in this barren heartless place as an occupier by force.

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  #5143  
Old 29th August 2012
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I respect my wife for her accepting me the way for the reason that on umpteen numbers of occasions I have seen the pain rejection in her eyes. I am possibly yet to compromise with the state of my life even after twenty five years of married life and two grown up kids. Perhaps I will never learn to live a worthwhile life, as lived and enjoyed by other people.

Suffice to say that the emptiness that came with the departure of Sandhya from my life would never be filled in, I believe. I consciously don’t think of her, in my dream she comes may be once a year or so and then too, I feel ashamed in the next morning to have thought of her in my subconscious mind.

Of course Shovan knew about my aversion towards him. He had initiated many attempts to mend the relationship, but I never gave him any scope of reconciliation. And he had to give up ultimately. He stopped communicating with me except for an occasional nod or a dry handshake. None of my close friends ever discussed this matter, rest others kept wondering what had gone wrong, but they had no clue of what actually had gone wrong in the past.

Last edited by htans001 : 29th August 2012 at 07:54 PM.

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  #5144  
Old 29th August 2012
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I never played Bridge with him as a partner, but I did not have any problem playing against him. And whenever he was against me, everybody knew how I would play. Intently I would listen to every call, analyze if there was any hesitation or over enthusiasm in the voice which gave the call, in the consequent hand play, my finesse would be almost perfect, if I was the declarer. If he was the declarer, God forbid, I would create such hara-kiri with the cards that, even my partner would get confused about how many cards originally I had in the trumps or in a particular suite. I would almost always squeeze an extra trick out of nowhere, to the delight and murmurings of the audience and my partner. Most of the members knew what would happen, if I was pitted against Shovan. They would all gather behind me to see how my hands were played. Poor Shovan, being a lover of the game, could never restrain himself to play a game of Bridge, knowing fully well that there was a definite possibility of being humiliated by a better than an average player, who would raise his game to a level whenever playing against him. It was common that at the end of the match, one or two members would put a hand of encouragement on my shoulder and tell, “Even Omar Sherrif, the Egyptian Hollywood actor and international Bridge player could not have possibly played this deal better!”

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  #5145  
Old 29th August 2012
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And then we decided to celebrate the silver jubilee of the club. The original idea was Shovan’s and although he was not a founding member, everyone immediately agreed to celebrate the silver jubilee of Friends’ Club in a grand manner. Shovan was my nemesis, but his idea was too good to be turned down, I too reluctantly joined the bandwagon. A duplicate Bridge competition was planned where some prize money was announced.

We conducted the tournament and it was a grand success. During the course of the tournament I sensed that Shovan was trying to talk to me, but he could not surmount the invisible wall that I had erected to thwart any advances initiated by him. However, there was an accidental brief conversation with him and only then I came to know that Sandhya was suffering from cervical cancer. Regular radiation and chemotherapy sessions were going on, but the malignancy was in an advanced stage and she was not making any visible progress. He even requested me to come to his home once. I politely told him, due to some professional commitment, I would have to go out of state for two to three weeks but would definitely visit his home later to see our ailing schoolmate.

I made up a personal tour and went to places to visit my distant relatives, my old college friends and some professional acquaintances. During the third week in Calcutta, I got a call from my bosom friend Jagadish that Cookies, Sandhya’s nick name that was used in our circleonly, had succumbed to her illness and just died.

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  #5146  
Old 29th August 2012
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I cancelled all further assignments and booked an air ticket for the next available flight to our place on the same day. I wanted to see her once for the last and final time. Somehow, Shovan was confident that I would not miss the funeral and decided to wait for some time apparently for me. The moment I reached his home, they were just ready to move for the cremation of the body. I peeped inside the cover of the body and saw her lifeless face, grey hair, eyes closed and peaceful in her last sleep. Nothing much changed, nature was kind to her.

After about a month of Shradha ceremony, all the associates, who had participated in cremation of Sandhya, were invited for a thanks giving dinner at Shovan’s place. It would not have been decent to turn down the invitation so I too joined other friends to the dinner. At their place, a portrait of Sandhya was placed on a table which created a somber ambience. A candle and some incense sticks were burning beside her photo. We were all silent. There is nothing much to console a man who has just lost his wife. The dinner was served in a traditional style, floor mats were used as seats. Rice, vegetables, fries, curries and desserts were served on banana leaves. After dinner, when we were about to leave, Shovan pleadingly said to me, “HT, can you stay back for some time? There is something I want to show you, if it is not inconvenient to you”.

I looked at his eyes and found that he was earnest. I thought for a moment, I had nothing more to lose now, “OK, I shall wait. Friends, you go ahead”, I told my friends.

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  #5147  
Old 29th August 2012
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Rest of the friends left for their home. After half an hour he came back after finishing some chores, while I waited in the drawing room.

Shovan said, “She left a letter for me. Although she has written not to show the letter to anyone, but I think it would make her happy to know that you too knew her side of the story. I have got nothing more to lose now, since she is gone. At least let me get back my long lost friend”.

I saw Shovan’s eyes were moistened. A sigh came out of my breath. Things would have been very different, had there been a little understanding among us and three souls could have lived without that persistent sweet pain. Anyway, reconciliation is a part of life, and at any moment of life, if opportunity arises, one should never back out of mending relationship. I put my hand behind his back and told him, “for the sake of your conjugal peace, I stayed away from you people. If my behavior was harsh, let it be so, but in the hindsight, you will realize that it was the only viable option. And there was really nothing to share. But now, if you want to show me a personal letter involving my old friend, I will certainly see it”.

Silently he fished out the letter out of his shirt pocket. The handwriting of the letter brought so many sweet memories of the past that suddenly I found my reading glass was foggy. Unashamed, I took out my spectacles, wiped out my eyes with handkerchief and started reading.

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  #5148  
Old 29th August 2012
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Dear Shovan,

You have promised me that this letter would remain closed till my death. If you are reading this, it means I have died. It is a strange feeling. I know the killer disease would surely kill me sometime. May be this is due to someone’s curse.

Then I think that a good loving heart can’t possibly curse their loved ones and it is actually my fate. I am thankful to you for giving me a peaceful and happy married life with two nice children and no real crisis in the entire life. But life is a little more than all that. You see, most of the time of my life has been spent before your eyes only. But still there are a few things of my life that I have not made privy to you or anyone, barring my school friends, that too in bits and pieces.

During my college days, you had proposed me to be your girlfriend. I was sure although you were in the know that I was already going steady with HT, even then you had approached me. Then I did not give any direct negative reply. Why I did not give you any negative reply because there were some obvious reasons. But you took my silence as a sign of encouragement, and started to associate with me in every opportunity. My parents too came to know about your inclination towards me. They were so happy that my consent was of foregone conclusion. I really did not know why you were hell bent upon winning HT’s girl friend, when you could have any girl, much more beautiful than me as your girl friend, at the tweak of your finger. Somehow I knew that you wanted to win me primarily for depriving HT of me.

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  #5149  
Old 29th August 2012
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He was such a nice fellow! He tried so very hard and always excelled academically, which I knew, was for my sake only. He knew that only a good education and consequent good career would make it possible to win me from my aristocratic parents. And his academic results always showed it. In every milestone of his career he did something special, that the town folks cheered and applauded, “what a boy”! It made me proud that the darling of the town cared only about one thing in this world and that was me, and whatever he was trying to achieve, it was for my sake.

All my friends envied me, not for his superlative performance, but for his total devotion to me. Miles of walking or cycling did not deter him to see me once for just a glimpse of me, leave aside talking or any other form of intimacy. Just to test him, once I had told him to meet me near our house in the morning at Four O’ Clock. The poor fellow was there in time with all smiles and perspiration on his temple. He had to walk four KM in the cold winter in the early morning!

I knew it would be very difficult for him to marry me; my parents would not permit the alliance. But still I had a faint hope, something good would eventually happen. That was the reason I never showed him my eagerness to marry him, while he thought that his infatuation was one sided. Only if he could see my mind! While he kept on excelling academically, he really did not know, he made me so happy to see that he was going near to his goal. I knew his goal was to win me from my parents by becoming a competent suitor. And, how spectacularly he achieved that competence! He completed his technology degree and got hired as an officer by a top notch Oil Sector Public Company. In a short time he uplifted his family to a level that it set a standard for the local aspirants.

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  #5150  
Old 29th August 2012
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You may wonder, why I am telling you all these stories, after so many years of our marriage. You see, a woman always sympathizes with the weaker one, an eventual manifestation of love. I wanted him to win the race while all the time I knew that he was the horse with the handicap and had a thin chance to win the game.

Your attitude to beat the most acclaimed boy of the town, where he would suffer most, cost me my happiness. Nothing could be more sadistic than snatching way a young man’s love and you did it so effortlessly. I was a pawn in your game since I could not go against my parents’ wishes, being the eldest daughter. Had I eloped, my family’s image would have been tarnished and it would have been difficult to arrange matches for my other two younger sisters. I was helpless and knowingly you exploited my precarious condition. Although you knew that I had a soft corner for HT, but you were not concerned about it. You really did not care about what was happening in my mind because your male chauvinistic mind would have never have compromised your pound of flesh anyway.

You are my husband and I did my wifely duties without any compromise. I gave you my precious body; I bore you two healthy children. I fulfilled marital vows to the letter and spirit. But, you could really never get into my heart. I know you had a curiosity about any physical intimacy I had developed with HT, but never had the nerve to ask me. Today I assure you, since now I am gone, that this man never even tried to kiss me. And yes, I kissed him once on his cheek. You had to see him there after, how happy he was. We embraced a number of times and then only I could realize that he was only a normal male with an adequate capability of testosterone secretion.

As time passed, the more I thought about him, the more I regretted my indecision. I did him injustice. I could have remained unmarried for sometime at least, but I was timid and not so confident about my future, so here I am.

I am writing this letter to tell you my feeling, and nobody needs to know how I had felt. I am again thankful to you for the kids and your affection. Please do not misunderstand me. I thought that I ought to clear my position at the end, even when I am gone.

With love,

Sandhya

Last edited by htans001 : 29th August 2012 at 07:59 PM.

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